My friend Shirley so eloquently shares her perspective of 2011….honored she’ll be part of my 2012.
Category Archives: Life
It’s that moment when I’ve stepped into 2012 quietly…and am more excited than I’ve been in years. The last time I can recall feeling so quietly elated was when I knew I was months away from meeting my little Ethan almost 10 years ago.
I’ve been a joy-filled person since I was a little girl…and while some things over the years ripped the joy out of me (some by my own doing), it’s been fully restored. God is good – and while the blessings He’s giving me right now are so much more meaningful than any words I could pen, I can share this…
I’m content with being who I am……
I LOVE God from the depths of me…..He is my Rock and my Fortress, my Shelter, my Strength, my Justifier, my Protection, my Shield…..He’s my EVERYTHING.
I’m unapologetically in love…..Alex, you’re who I’ve been waiting for my entire life – I’m marrying my Very Best Friend!
I’m proud of each of my children and the people they are and are becoming…..JTLE – the songs in my heart are so loud for you.
I love my family deeply…..My Mom, my Sister, BIL, my Nephew, my Niece, my Cousins, my Aunt & Uncle….
My future in-laws and siblings in law are beautiful additions to my life…..
I have meaningful authentic friendships that contain honesty, love, trust and candid moments…..I have new friends that I am SO blessed with.
I’m not a bound by food….I make daily choices that respect the healthy woman I’m becoming.
I’m committed to being outstanding in my profession – I’ve found my niche….and I love it.
It’s THAT moment that I realize I’ve been waiting for, for all of my life….
and I’m honored to be living in it right now.
Captivated with gratitude – socialcyndi
A few minutes ago, I got a text from one of my sons that read, “I’m struggling with giving and having patience today. Just pray for me.” I instantly replied to him and asked the Lord to cover him with a refreshed perspective and renewed ability to take things in stride….he reached out.
What an honor as his Mom to be able to know specifically how to pray for my child. It’s these rare moments that I used to gloss over and seemingly forget about….but as I’ve learned over the past year, it’s these VERY MOMENTS when I need to stop and offer praise and thanks for! And also experience a teachable moment…FOR ME!
My son has realized that its ok to reach out to a lifeline for help like he did today with a simple text. I was able to offer him encouragement and simultaneously speak to the Lord on his behalf. I can learn a lot from that young man…..
SO OFTEN I look to MYSELF to find resolution (after I’ve quickly muttered a half-hearted prayer). There are lifelines who would be honored, like I am, to pray alongside me. I confess that my pride often doesn’t allow me (nor anyone else) that blessing. I’m too concerned with exposing my weaknesses to someone and possibly having to admit that I’m not gifted with patience, or that I’m weary, overwhelmed, exhausted, struggling with friendships, battling a negative self-image, fearful that I’ll be alone, disorganized, not good enough, anxious, caught up in status, I’ve yelled at my kids, I’m angry, doubtful ….. There is an ABUNDANCE OF OPPORTUNITIES for me to call out to a lifeline….and confess I’m weak and need prayer.
Yet another significant lesson being sown into my life because I have a son who wasn’t afraid to confess where he’s struggling…..another teachable moment for Mom. 🙂
thankful for these moments – socialcyndi
I’ve come to realize that it’s this “pointless drama” that is NECESSARY in order to see who and what are important! I’m blessed to have true friends who encourage, uplift, that are genuine and unpretentious…they are rare indeed!
My prayer is to be THIS FRIEND to others….
A constant work in progress – socialcyndi
I love Facebook – this is no surprise to anyone who knows me. I also, love food – this too, is no surprise to anyone who knows me. That being said, I’m not a fan of giving up either one of those. Over the past couple of weeks, my heart has been stirred that those two things are far too high on my priority list….and if you know me, then you’ll know when my heart is stirred, its my call to action.
When I was just weeks away from turning 30 (that’s almost 8 years ago…ugh), I recall feeling a similar stir. I was 243 pounds and completely unhappy with myself inside and out. I was glutinous, unhealthy and my self-image was living in the sewer. I knew that I needed to make a serious life change and began listening more to what God was saying and talking less about how awful I felt. I was introduced to something that dramatically changed my life…the art of discipline, learning about food, focusing on intake, and tracking what I’m actually putting into my mouth….I REFUSED to deviate from what I was asked to do – I was focused as though I was a contestant on the Biggest Loser – and I WON! Over the course of a year, I had dropped almost 100 pounds, and I felt fantastic on the inside and liked what I saw on the outside. My heart was stirred, and I showed up to work!
Today, I’ve put back on 50 of those pounds….and I’ve also adopted a social habit (addiction works too) that takes FAR TOO MUCH of my precious time. In the safe world I once lived in that I closed everyone out of – I would NEVER admit to either of those weaknesses. But, I gave up that life and have chosen that regardless of the judgement passed, criticism or the skeptical folks who toss doubt, I’m all in. God’s stirred my heart…I must react.
I really enjoy the comfort of keeping my weakness to myself – it’s a nice buffer that allows me to fail in silence…..after all, if I don’t tell anyone then no one will know, right? Maybe, just maybe, my “fanatical” action of saying goodbye to Facebook for a while and working my rear-end off to track every bite I eat while maintaining my daily routine at the gym will be that stirring that God asked me to record here, so I could give Him the praise when I succeed!!
From my stirred heart – socialcyndi
I love reality TV shows. I used to try to say otherwise, but the truth is – I like them. I can pick a participant apart with the best of them. I wouldn’t say I physically critique them or pick their looks apart – it’s more of a personality critique like, “She’s annoying, a whiner, irritating, manipulative, back-stabbing”…I tend to be very blunt with my criticism. I’m also callous and mean. Yes, I’m a “mean girl” and it wasn’t until I sat down to talk with my Savior this morning, that I fully had to admit it.
While reading through Proverbs 9 and finding bits of wisdom to journal and chat with the Lord about, I was struck and was prompted to post a scripture from yesterday’s quiet time on my Facebook. “Odd?”, I thought. “Why in the world do I need to do that?” I audibly asked myself. And for the next 10 minutes, I wrestled with the scripture I KNEW I was being led to post. It should be such a simple thing to do…just type out the words and update my Facebook status. But, the more I read the words within the scripture, the more I was struck deep within my heart that they were a complete contradiction to the rant I had posted about a reality show participant just THE NIGHT BEFORE. How in the world could a verse that I KNEW God had laid on my heart, follow such trash talk? And what is that saying about the inconsistency of my character and the woman that I am?
This took me deeper into thought….and I found myself actually petitioning the Lord to “understand” that I really didn’t want to post something that could possibly “offend” people or cause them to stand in judgement against me. It was at that very moment in thought, it became as clear what God was doing. I was left with two distinct realizations:
1. I am not ashamed of the relationship I have with God – I don’t push Him on people – I share Him with anyone I can.
2. I’m sending mixed messages through my words within social media about the integrity of my character – and I need to fix that.
I knew immediately I needed to set the record straight.
It was clear that God was asking me to put myself out there and be bold – I needed to recognize and see the faults within myself. For a moment, I contemplated choosing to fly below the radar and stay quiet. I KNOW that I was being led to be bold and see how far I would go for my Savior when He asks me (even if it was just a silly Facebook post). It was a humbling question I knew I needed to ask myself…”Why is it so simple to spout off and boast my opinions about a reality TV show participant but find myself cowering when it comes to sharing Scripture that could potentially offend someone? I knew the answer and I needed to face it head on.
There’s no question about it – this girl on TV annoyed me – but that doesn’t make her any less a child of God. Sure, she’s sobbing on a TV show…that doesn’t mean that God loves her any differently than He loves me. In fact, according to the Bible, I’m called to share the love of Christ with people just like her – yet there I was, being mean & gossiping openly about my dislike for her!
I’m here to set the record straight…not to say I’m anything spectacular for “outing” myself – quite the contrary in fact. I’m a girl who stumbled and fell flat on my face with humility this morning and I needed to seek the forgiveness first from my Lord and also from those whom I’ve demonstrated this inconsistency to. I’m a work in progress – and I’m working overtime to walk through a character refining process with grace and integrity. Last night, I bombed big time – today, I’m assured that through the saving Grace of Jesus – I’m forgiven.
”….blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all which hate me love death.” – Proverbs 8:32-36
A constant work in progress –
Keeping the past in the past is something I deal with on a daily basis. Oh sure I can be “over” something and fully believe I’m “over” it…but in a split second – a scent, a word, a song, a phrase, even a ringtone throws me into a scene from the past I swore I wasn’t heading back to – and yet, I’m there. And I’m CERTAIN I’m not the only one…..
It’s almost comical that I’ve been sooooo focused on keeping the past in the past – I’m beginning to see that isn’t such a great idea. Here’s why; I believe that every single detail of our lives (yours and mine) were planned before our Moms Dads knew we were on the way! Our PAST, our PRESENT and our FUTURE moments!
Here’s what I mean…..When I was born and named, God had plans that were specific for me. When I entered elementary school, I was being shaped and molded into the person I was becoming. As I walked the halls of Dartmouth Middle school, I was being transformed into the person who would begin to make her own life altering choices. Stepping foot onto the campus of Branham High school, I made decisions that were monumental in the formation of who I am and what I’m becoming….my testimony – the story of my life was taking shape.
Professions, decisions, marriage, having twins, re-dedicating my life to following Jesus, becoming a better wife, getting involved in church ministry, dedication to being the BEST Mom I can possibly be, choosing friends, more decisions, making memories, overcoming GIANT obstacles, facing past hurts and shame, having a daughter, growing closer still to God, being a Godly example to my kids, moving to Nebraska on 240 acres of cattle land with 3.5 kids and a dog in the middle of nowhere, the birth of my son, the death of my Dad, moving “home” to Oregon, immersed in being a wife & Mom, more decisions, success in business, continued reliance on God, a divorce, heartache, defeat, losing friends, self-indulgence, new-found appreciation in my Mom, loss, stepping away from pride, unconditional love, grieving, encouraging my kids, more decisions, new friends, finding who I am again, surrender, celebrating my children’s successes, overcoming obstacles, being on my own, the death of my Papa, more surrender, on my knees asking for guidance, COMPLETE surrender, blessings abound, forgiving myself, a new beginning, true love, dreams becoming reality, hope restored, fresh starts,….ALL OF THAT is in the past….which leads me to the present….which forms my future!
I share that with you because it’s opened my eyes to see that without our pasts, we wouldn’t be the people we are today!! I can’t dwell on the areas that I’ve failed – I need to use those as reminders. I can’t re-live old success – I can appreciate the accomplishment. I’m just going to count it ALL JOY that we can SPRING FORWARD through each moment of our lives – the PAST, the PRESENT and the FUTURE….
On the journey with you –
It’s kind of funny how much of myself I see weaved throughout my kids reactions, responses and their general “perspectives” on life. After questioning it several times, I’m going to stick with the word “funny” that I used in the opening sentence only because I’d like to view this post through a beautiful designer set of rose-colored glasses!
The not-so-funny side of this, is the reality that throughout the past 16 years as a parent, I can go on record saying I’ve blown it at times – OH how I’ve blown it! My reactions, responses and overall perspective aren’t always “proud parenting moments”….and today I saw that I’ve passed some of those on with GLEAMING SUCCESS as demonstrated by one of my fine young lads! The details of the story, while they’d entertain some, I’ll refrain from sharing ONLY because it would expose the child in which I’m speaking of like the Vegas strip lights up the night!
It’s taken me roughly three decades to realize that reacting in anger does nothing but cause hurt and lots of stress! (it’s ok, you can say it, I’m kind of slow!) So today, rather than blow my top in the heat of a VERY FRUSTRATING moment (it didn’t help that I could see a less than positive reflection of myself SHINING BRIGHTLY through my child), I stopped. I decided to evaluate the potential consequences of my anger and how they could affect my boy. “WHY TODAY?”, you ask!?! I HAVE NO IDEA – it just happened. It was as if I could see my son beating himself up mentally & “seeing” my angry scowl over & over throughout his day at school. In the midst of it all, I felt awful and convicted – at that very second, I decided this time was going to be different. I kicked that ‘ol “hindsight is 20/20” lesson I typically learn from, to the curb – it was time for a teachable moment…..FOR ME.
That split second choice which formulated this “moment” I’m sharing with you has been one that’s had me thinking all day. I’M THRILLED I don’t have to regret the words I spoke…it’s not weighting on me….I haven’t had to formulate an apology and hope my son will extend grace to me yet again…it’s got me excited to share with him what I’ve learned and how his lack of planning this morning was ironically just what I needed to make another step in the right direction not just as a Mom, but in several areas of my life!! Who’da thought!?!
So….I guess “funny” seems kind of fitting here right!?! I was served up the teachable moment instead of attempting to stuff one down my child’s throat. Maybe “ironic” is better? Na, I’ll stick with funny since I’m still wearing my rosy designer specs!
Thankful I’m a work in progress – socialcyndi
It’s kind of funny how things happen….when I woke up this morning, I wouldn’t have expected to have the perspective that I do right now. I’m remarkably full of thanksgiving (I’m not talking turkey dinner) and refreshed to know that lifelong bonds are still alive and well in our world today.
Friendship is complicated isn’t it!?! It doesn’t really seem like it should be but then again – it’s relational and with relationships comes an unspoken, in-depth complexity. It requires a level of vulnerability and transparency that I’ve found isn’t as natural for some as others. TRUE friendship doesn’t have time constraints either…..
Denise and I have been friends for YEARS…I’m 37 years old and I have pictures of us together at my 13th bday slumber party at our little apartment on Ross Circle in San Jose, CA. That’s 24 years – at least! We were very close in high school – super close – and Denise was as loyal as they come folks! She stood by me when others wouldn’t, she held my hand, got in my face, set me straight and loved me when I was unlovable! I was so self absorbed “back in the day” that I basically walked away from the friendship because I was on to “new and different” things and people. I see now that I was a LOUSY friend and it also highlighted a terrible character flaw I’ve battled with throughout my life – Selfishness.
YEARS have passed and A LOT has happened in my life during those years – a marriage, two out-of-state moves, having #myfabfour, a divorce, failed relationship, floundering, complete surrender to God, finding my soulmate – to name a select few of the “majors”… through all of those “majors” God’s voice continually spoke to me whether I was experiencing a peak or a valley…the same message rang through my stubborn selfish ears – “serve others, love others, be a loyal friend, follow-through – I’ll take care of your desires Cyndi, you fulfill mine.” I admit, that message didn’t always set well but has proven to be just what GOD KNEW I needed in order to become what HE needed….
Fast forward to today; Denise called me. We shared, talked, laughed and (no surprise to some) I cried tears of joy. Denise is still that loyal friend I’ve always known. Sure, she’s gone through her life and grown through her “majors”, but there she was after all of this time with the open selfless heart she consistently demonstrated to me through my childhood. All I could ponder following the call was, “wow…God knew I couldn’t appreciate the genuine character of this woman the way He wants me to, without going through my “majors” to know what unselfishness looks like.” Thus, my feeling of thanksgiving.
Denise sent me a message moments after our call and a portion of it read…”I feel like rather than calling this a renewed friendship it’s more like that was part one (childhood) and this is the beginning of part two (adulthood) and the middle was just us growing into the people we are”
It’s clear to me yet again that in GOOD OR BAD, HAPPY OR SAD, God has our plan specifically laid out to make us who we are and who we will become….from our childhood to our adulthood.
A constant work in progress – socialcyndi :0)
Over and over, I’ve said to myself “you need to start a blog.” Today’s the day! It’s one thing to write down everything about me, my life, my kids, my relationship, my family….and get stuck in the “I, I, I’s” of life…..my desire here, is different. It’s about US…..you, the reader and me on a journey together. I have no idea where we’re heading either – just jumping in and taking off. In order to journey together, I’m going to safely say we should probably become acquainted – which means for JUST TODAY, I’m going to flood you with the “I’s”……. I desire to be used by God to bless people – I’m a Mom of four whom I refer to as #myfabfour (on Twitter) – I’m in love with a man who’s daily reminding me that I’m blessed beyond my wildest dreams – My Mom is my hero – I’m passionate in all I do – I jump in – dive deep – get real – despise unnecessary drama – wish everyone well – hurt for the hurting – pray for the sick – laugh with the happy – cry with those who are mourning – dream with dreamers – understand pain & heartache – desire to make a difference – encourage strangers – love all walks of life – hope to inspire – love to laugh – will earn your trust – am honest to a fault – I’m stubborn – I like things my way – I’m a control freak – I’m learning to surrender – I’m easily flustered – I’m witty – I like to sing – I can’t dance but like to – I love music…and rap is music – I love food – I’ve struggled with weight my whole life – I’m loyal – I’m a real friend – My kids love me – my friends count on me – I’ve been betrayed – I’ve tried and failed – I’m a hopeless romantic – I’m old fashioned – I live to serve those I love – I want to help everyone – I like a tidy house – I’m anal about some things – I like coffee – I get headaches – I cry with people I trust – I’m not very quiet – I like wearing hats – I like demin- I LOVE football – I heart the Oregon Ducks – My favorite NFL team – New England Patriots – New fan of the Lakers – I fly flags outside of my house – I grow trees when I’m talking with those closest to me – I’m in love – I’m happy – I’m focused – I’m determined to make something of myself – I want to help people see their dreams become reality – I wont’ quit – I love social media – I represent people on Twitter & FB – I HATE being taken advantage of – I’m easily taken advantage of – I ramble….can you tell!?! I’m certain I left some things out – but you get the gist! Here I am world – and I’m going to share life with whomever wants to come aboard! :0) WELCOME!!! Until next time – socialcyndi