I love reality TV shows. I used to try to say otherwise, but the truth is – I like them. I can pick a participant apart with the best of them. I wouldn’t say I physically critique them or pick their looks apart – it’s more of a personality critique like, “She’s annoying, a whiner, irritating, manipulative, back-stabbing”…I tend to be very blunt with my criticism. I’m also callous and mean. Yes, I’m a “mean girl” and it wasn’t until I sat down to talk with my Savior this morning, that I fully had to admit it.
While reading through Proverbs 9 and finding bits of wisdom to journal and chat with the Lord about, I was struck and was prompted to post a scripture from yesterday’s quiet time on my Facebook. “Odd?”, I thought. “Why in the world do I need to do that?” I audibly asked myself. And for the next 10 minutes, I wrestled with the scripture I KNEW I was being led to post. It should be such a simple thing to do…just type out the words and update my Facebook status. But, the more I read the words within the scripture, the more I was struck deep within my heart that they were a complete contradiction to the rant I had posted about a reality show participant just THE NIGHT BEFORE. How in the world could a verse that I KNEW God had laid on my heart, follow such trash talk? And what is that saying about the inconsistency of my character and the woman that I am?
This took me deeper into thought….and I found myself actually petitioning the Lord to “understand” that I really didn’t want to post something that could possibly “offend” people or cause them to stand in judgement against me. It was at that very moment in thought, it became as clear what God was doing. I was left with two distinct realizations:
1. I am not ashamed of the relationship I have with God – I don’t push Him on people – I share Him with anyone I can.
2. I’m sending mixed messages through my words within social media about the integrity of my character – and I need to fix that.
I knew immediately I needed to set the record straight.
It was clear that God was asking me to put myself out there and be bold – I needed to recognize and see the faults within myself. For a moment, I contemplated choosing to fly below the radar and stay quiet. I KNOW that I was being led to be bold and see how far I would go for my Savior when He asks me (even if it was just a silly Facebook post). It was a humbling question I knew I needed to ask myself…”Why is it so simple to spout off and boast my opinions about a reality TV show participant but find myself cowering when it comes to sharing Scripture that could potentially offend someone? I knew the answer and I needed to face it head on.
There’s no question about it – this girl on TV annoyed me – but that doesn’t make her any less a child of God. Sure, she’s sobbing on a TV show…that doesn’t mean that God loves her any differently than He loves me. In fact, according to the Bible, I’m called to share the love of Christ with people just like her – yet there I was, being mean & gossiping openly about my dislike for her!
I’m here to set the record straight…not to say I’m anything spectacular for “outing” myself – quite the contrary in fact. I’m a girl who stumbled and fell flat on my face with humility this morning and I needed to seek the forgiveness first from my Lord and also from those whom I’ve demonstrated this inconsistency to. I’m a work in progress – and I’m working overtime to walk through a character refining process with grace and integrity. Last night, I bombed big time – today, I’m assured that through the saving Grace of Jesus – I’m forgiven.
”….blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all which hate me love death.” – Proverbs 8:32-36
A constant work in progress –